Mean Mugg...

Why is it that men CONTINUALLY chase after women they KNOW GOOD AND WELL they can't have!  Example (and I have many but I'll share one today!):  Facebook...  I am IM'ed EVERY SINGLE FREAKIN' DAY by these "friends" who I NEVER respond to, and they never seem to get the picture that I'll NEVER give them the time of day!  And I'm very blunt with them about it, too.  For instance, there's this guy who says "hello" to me, seems like, every time my name shows up on his chat.  It's as if he nervously awaits that green light to shine next to Kerri Margaret, so he can verbally molest me daily.   :-/ 


Now, for months, I never responded.  Well, on the occasional "I feel sorry for this poor idiot" day I'll sputter the obligatory "hi," but for the most part, I leave him hanging.  But one day, I felt the need to be real with the young chap and put him out of his misery.  I was brutally blunt and confessed that the reason that I never chat with him is because of his Gawd Awful profile pik and that his entire being freaks me out in general. 


Why oh why did I do that?  I swear it gave the fool more ammo!  I'm wondering, was my callous statement, to him, a proverbial "come hither?"  Because my response sparked a barage of messages from him:  "Why do you say that?"  "What's wrong with my profile pik?"  "Why don't you ever talk to me?"  Bla, bla, bla, aaagghhhh!  For a moment there, I felt like I'd morphed into Laura Winslow (upgraded 2010 version, of course!).  As I read on, my brow furrowed deeper into confusion as I tried to make sense of how downright insult to the poor fellow can result in amusement (arousal, even!)   But then, I dug deep down into the recesses of my brain, (you know, the practically useless part that women rarely use but men rely on)...  And  took a minute to try and think like a male would think (DO they even think?)...  Alas, the conclusion was simple:  MEN LOVE THE CHASE no matter what the costs (war wounds) that come with it! 


It's funny, b/c sooo many of my girlfriends cry and whine about not having a man, can't keep a man, yadda, yadda, yadda...  But I wonder if I've found out the secret that men have been knowing and excercising for years:  Treating men like the dogs that (MOST OF THEM) are will keep them coming back for more!  It's simple!  "It's elementary, my dears!" 


I mean, look at all the women who stay with men who treat them like dirt.  I'm sure every last person reading this right now can instantly think of that auntie, cousin, BFF, "little brother's baby mama" who is in the exact same predicament.  He talks to her crazy, occasionally "jumps stupid," and downright disses the poor child on a daily, and magically, she's back in his arms, night after drama-filled night. 


Now, in no way am I endorsing disrespect, violence, and plain old tomfoolery, but I can't help but to state the obvious.  It's almost uncanny, but thanks to Facebook, I have unlocked the secret to what makes a man tick and his heart melt and it's all about being a plain old, big fat "meany!"  :)   


Come to I think of it, I wish I'd collected stats on the countless guys who I have come across on FB who have told me that I was mean.  But FTR, these same "accusers" keep coming back for more!  I didn't know what it was at first...  Maybe they like the attention, but the more I say things like, "Not interested," "Don't hold your breath," or "You're one type-o away from becoming defriended," the more they keep the lame pick-up attempts coming.  Maybe all guys, deep down inside, are searching for that verbal dominatrix...  The one who will bring them to their knees with that quick witted tongue!  Haha.  Even I had to laugh at that one. 


But seriously, I'm not making this stuff up, I just write it, and I can assure you that there are facts to back up the madness.  And if you don't believe me, try it out.  What can it hurt (besides their big fat egos?) 


I guess that in a way, I'm just venting about the guys who keep interrupting my daily Facebooking with their constant mindless IMing, but there seems to be a lesson in it all.  And here it is:  For all you single sistas searching, call off the search party and pump up the attitude.  It seems to work at keeping 'em interested.  Just make sure you get the hang of turning it on and off.  There's much that can be said about doing things in moderation. 


It's something like Sour Patch Kids candies.  At first they're sour, then they're sweet.  And we love them either way.  We've gotta harness that "best of both worlds" spirit.  No one wants to be with someone whose always the same, boring... vanilla.  Add some of that cayenne pepper! 


And that is all...  And this is your daily Kerrapy!  :)

Wellllllllllllllllll, it's CARNIVAL TIMMMMMMEEEEE...!!!

So the fam participated in our first Mardi Gras float ride of 2010 today. We rode in the Krewe of Gemini Parade in Gulfport this afternoon. And as always, it was a blast.

Of course, janky ole' Murphy and his "Laws" showed up, of course... And our oh-so-reliable cousins Bud and Johnny messed up the music! I don't know why, after 3 years of riding in parades, we don't have a standard music system set up yet, but I guess we wouldn't be the Krewe of Krazees if something didn't go wrong.

So, musicless, yet STILL crunk, the parade rolled on. Leave it to El and Kim to have the most ridiculous throws ever - yes, the Joneses showed up and showed out! We had V-Day treats for days.... The typical Mardi Gras panty? Oh, that's sooo pase! The Joneses roll w/ REAL heart emblazoned boxers and REAL tank and panty night sets! Hehehe... Can my fellow Coasties imagine how those parade go-ers were killing themselves for THOSE talismens! It was quite the experience, I MUST say! And even though I didn't chip in a dime on throws, there were tons to spare!

My sis and I ponder the phenom of Mardi Gras throws every year. Why oh why do people darn near throw themselves in front of moving vehicles for a 2 cent plastic frisbee, stuffed bear, or worse yet, the coveted "titty bead?" But there's something magical about catching plastic what-nots from mobile chariots filled with drunkards. On any given Sunday, a bag full of purple, green, & gold beads, doubloons, candy, and trinkets is considered worthles junk, but on Fat Tuesday these things are the treasure of all "Coast Trash!"

But the phenom definitely is multi-faceted as it differs between pardade goers and parade riders. I've spent 20+ years as a goer, and courtesy of my old neighbor Timmy, I have been upgraded to a "rider." I remember it like it was yesterday. Picture it, Forest View Apartments, 2006... I was standing in my parking lot talking to my neighbor Timmy, when I suggested for him to make me a float out of the eyesore trailer that was bringing down my property value by the minute. He said SURE he would - of course I didn't believe him until he pulled up in my lot about a week later w/ the project completed w/ flying colors. So the Krewe of Krazees was born that fateful day, and the rest is THERAPY! :)

And like I mentioned, parade "riding" is a totally different monster from parade "going." There's the countless hours spent painting and decorating the float and counless dollars spent on throws.  This year, I piggybacked off Mom and Kim on throws (thanks guys!), but I can attest that they've spent hundreds, if not thousands on trinkets. It's funny, if you really think about it, to spend soooo much on seemingly worthless crap that will be literaly thrown away to hundreds of screaming "Throw Me Something" Misters...  But wait, that's just it...  It's the rush of delighting the random 6-year-old whose day you make by tossing them a simple Mardi Gras bead that makes it all worth it.  Seriously, it's an AMAZING rush when the little boy celebrates after catching the purple frisbee you just tossed him.  (Personally, I get happy when my aim actually gets the treat to the right person!)

Anyway, that's Mardi Gras!  And this is your daily Kerrapy!

V-Day! Aaarrrrggggg!

OK, so it's the Friday before Valentine's Day... And of course I have a few thoughts on the holiday...

First of all, I don't really complain much, ok, so let's get real, I probably really do complain a lot... but ANYWAY. So, I'm referencing my first V-day gift which I received today. I'll begin by saying that I am really thankful for the gift and for the fact that someone loves and cares enough about me to even send me a gift at all. Secondly, by the mere fact that I referred to the gift as my "first" gift (meaning that there are more to come) it would kindof make me sound like a spoiled brat, for the simple fact that I'm actually "complaining" about a gift, especially when this is one of many... Alas, I am me... And I must keep it real. Brutally honest, if I do say so myself. So here goes the rant...

Let me start w/ a little background on the situation. My significant other and I are, if my memory serves me correctly, sitting on the couch last night watching NBA Wives, a documentary on E! Very cleverly, the advertisers pop up w/ all these V-day commercials, (knowing that only "hopeless romantics" or "wanna-be spoiled wives to be" would be watching a show of this caliber) and an "Edible Bouquets" commercial comes on. So of course I verbally expressed my interest in edible bouquets. And if you really know me, you'd KNOW that I love things w/ multi-utilitarian purpose. Fashion+Functionality might as well by my middle name, b/c I absolutely LOVE things that can be used for multiple purposes, recycled, re-gifted, etc! I know, I know... a little A.D.D. of me, but hey, that's KERRI! Henceforth, the whole concept of an edible bouquet is simply brilliance! Fashion+Functionality. Loves it!

Anyway, I have duely noted numerous times my detest, well, not detest, but moreso "apathy" (thanks Ja Rita for the vocab refreshser!) towards flowers. I mean, they're really good for only one thing, and that's to get attention at work. Fellas... and I'm serious about this one... DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT EVER send flowers to a woman at her home when there is an opportunity to send them to her at work, in front of all her jealous co-workers! ;) Sounds crazy, but 'tis true. Flowers are just sooooooooo un-original! And you have to put them in a vase (clothe them), water them (feed them), and make sure they have light (attention)... Hell, yall might as well send us an INFANT! I'm just soooo not one for gifts that you require upkeep.

So anyway, back to my original thought... I distinctly expressed my love for edible arrangements in front of my boo, and this boy sends me roses today at work. The nerve! :) Now, I must say that I was pleasantly surprised to receive the roses. It was a sweet thought, yes. But as I struggled to pry open the box (in which my nails were messed up in the process!) fidgeted w/ the paper, rubberbands, plastic, foam, and all the other trappings that come along w/ assembling my GIFT, I admit that the ugly "this man does NOT listen to me" thoughts crept up my medulla oblongatta into my cerebellum and eventually made themselves to the area of mild disgust and unsatisfaction!

I keep telling myself, "it's the thought that counts" but the more I ponder, the more I begin to think that there was little to no thought at all that went into this "gift." *pouting* I mean, I was really craving that chocolate covered strawberry and pineapple bouquet!

I swear, it KILLS ME to have to write this, but I must always adhere to rationality and reason. And on this V-Day eve, my cognitions have gotten the best of me.

So guys, please learn something today... Just because something is the "holiday mainstay" it does not mean that it's in your best interest to partake. Some women may be enamored w/ flowers, yes, but my point is, MAKE SURE YOUR WOMAN LIKES FLOWERS before you sent them to her. Because as for Miss Kerri Babee, I can think of COUNTLESS things that could have been well spent by two twenties, other than the traditional dozen roses. And if you insist on doing the flower thing, MAKE SURE that you get them delivered by a local florist so that when they walk into the building, they're already arranged and pretty. Because, as you can see in the above picture, the boxed (set 'em up yourself) version is truly lackluster!

If there's something else out there that you're sure you would like better for the price of the flowers, go for it! That new dress she's been eyeing in the window of BCBG, so-and-so's latest fragrance, even the boxed set of her favorite sitcom (*ahem, cough,--> THE GAME, cough*) would make MUCH better and MUCH more thoughtful tokens than the wickedly outdated 1-800 FLOWERS bouquet. #justsayin

No disrespect, boyfriend. I'm certain that this gift was sent with love and adoration, but um... FAIL! :)

-My daily Kerrapy

Fell free to comment. Your "constructive" criticism is welcome!

Welcome to Kerrapy

Soooo.... I've always said that there is one thing in this world that I do well, and that's TALK! Miss "Mouth of the South," I've been dubbed since Mrs. Hawthorne's second grade class.... So what better way to harness this God-given talent of mine than to start blogging. I know, I know, I'm like, 10 years late on this one, but hey, I never said that my strength was punctuality! :)

So here I go, typing off into the wild net-yonder... Rambling, as you can see. I am a woman of many thoughts and words, but at this moment, wittyness seems to evade me. Hence, I will get back to work (ugh) and see if something inspires me.

Ciao!